Colonoscopies

Or in french, “Coloscopie”

Trigger Warnings

• Invasive procedures
• Vomit

So this is primarily the story of my first colonoscopy however at the end I will add some tips I’ve learned to help in case anyone is here looking for advice!

Before a scope you have to clean your bowels so they can actually see what they’re doing up there… This involves a few days of restricted diet and a large dose of potent laxatives. I did my research before hand and learned that it’s best if you can drink it through a straw and bypass most of your tastebuds, make sure it’s cold and have plain water to hand too. So I’m prepared, I’ve got 2 litres of “Moviprep” and another 2 litres of cold water, I have to get through both bottles in the space of a few hours.

Well.. About 30 minutes in to it my stomach decides that it’s not having any of this and redecorates my bathroom wall instead. I’ve never been so violently sick that I almost fall over backwards from the pressure, but this time it was out of control!

After giving myself some time to recover and speaking to an English friend who works in oncology herself, I decide to try again with the remainder of the fun juice. This time my stomach recognised what was going on and promptly ejected the first couple of mouthfulls.

I don’t know what to do so I call the hospital and in a mixture of google translated french and a bit of English from their end I manage to explain that none of this prep is staying down. They tell me to go to my appointment anyway and we’ll see what the Dr thinks.

So I turn up in the morning and explain again that none of the prep would stay down. The nurse looks quite displeased at me and hands me two enemas instead. (another thing I didn’t think I would have to do at 32 years old) So I get on with it, It’s not as bad as I expect and I hold on as long as I can before dashing to the bathroom. ( I don’t think we need details of that bit do we… )

So we get down to the surgical area where these things are carried out, I meet the Dr again and explain the lack of prep. He says, thankfully in English, That there’s no point in putting me to sleep then since they won’t be able to get very far, we’ll just go slow and have a little look…

I’ll be honest, it’s not the most enjoyable feeling.. but it didn’t “hurt” I was glad when it was over though!

So that’s the story of my first Colonoscopy.. The second didn’t go much better.. This time my oncologist admitted me to the hospital the night before, in hopes that we could use something else to clear my bowels. I arrive in full on hope that there’s something else planned only to find out that no, they give me the same MoviPrep stuff I had before, I explain to them that this makes me sick and that’s why I’m even here! No hope, the nurse assigned to me was not in any way sympathetic.

The spiteful side of me really wanted to go through it all again and vomit everywhere so I could smile sweetly at her while she had to clean it all up. However I also really needed to get the full scope done and that was more important than proving some grumpy lady wrong.

So I learned that little sips worked best, little sips mixed with plain water, whenever the nausea built up too much I’d take a break. It didn’t go well, it got to something like 3am and I’d barely gotten a third of the way through. I called the nurse back and explained I just can’t do it.. “C’est pas possible!”

Her reply? In broken English, she told me that if I can’t do it they’ll put a tube down my nose and force it in. (If you don’t know me, this kind of attitude does not sit well with me) Being a bit of a medical nerd though, I challenged her, I said a tube wouldn’t help, I’ll still vomit the whole thing up! She looked a bit caught off guard here and then proceeded to tell me they would bypass my stomach and put the tube straight into my intestines. (I was livid at this point) Now, I’m no doctor but everything I know about these things is that only the NG tube that goes into your stomach can be done without any other intervention, the ND and NJ tubes that go into your intestines require either radiology or endoscopy to guide them into the intestine… Something that can’t be organised at 3am! I just wanted to go home though, I felt awful, I was exhausted and just wanted the whole thing to be over so I ignored her and she left me with my disgusting lemony drink of doom.

Eventually after a little more time my poop started to clear up and I was soon producing clear clean liquid (yes it is as weird as it sounds) When the nurse came back in the morning she saw I’d still not finished the whole drink and was so angry. I told her that my poop was clear so who cares and she just scoffed and walked away.

After all this.. I went down for the scope, was put to sleep and woke up only to hear that they found the tumour but it was so big that they couldn’t get the camera past it anyway…

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General Colonoscopy info and tips

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or any other kind of qualified medical professional, these tips are simply what I’ve learned work for me.

• Some countries will put you to sleep as standard for a colonoscopy ( France is one of these)
  • Other countries will rely on more simple drugs like gas and air (UK)
  • Depending where you’re from it’s best to get this clarified right at the start so you know what to expect when you get there.
• There is a big difference in the laxatives you will be given, depending on your Dr and county, they all do the same job but some taste a lot nicer than others! Also ask your pharmacy what flavour choices you have, this is a personal choice of course but I would recommend something more bland since the stronger flavours tend to taste more “chemically”.
• The whole prep process, follow the instructions on the box for mixing the powder a couple of hours before you intend to start, and then put it in the fridge.
  • If your scope is in the morning and you need to prep the evening before, expect to be up most of the night, plan ahead, take a nap if you can. It will be a long night.
  • If your scope is in the afternoon and you need to start the prep early in the morning, start earlier than they recommend, give yourself more than enough time to take 2x or 3x longer than they recommend on the packet.
• When you’re ready to go, pour out a glass of the prep and a glass of cold water, dont get over confident and gulp it down, it will catch up with you later. just take little sips, if you dont mind the taste then try not to wash every mouthful down with the water, save the stomach space for more of the prep.
• When you find yourself feeling sick, take a little break, don’t worry about the time, the prep will work.
• It may take a couple of hours, maybe even a couple more but it will work, you’ll soon find you get some watery poops and from there it will just get more.. liquid. Once you’re pooping clear water you can stop and get some rest!